is big

My belly is gigantic. It may be taking over. I went and looked back at the archives. Remember last time? Apparently I felt just about the same about the belly taking over right about this point with Gus. It must just be a 38 week pregnant thing. (and yes, I know I'm not technically 38 weeks yet, but at this point - I'm rounding up).

is this what they call nesting?

I didn't really get the nesting thing when I was pregnant with Gus. The only thing I remember is the night before I went into labor I made apricot soup. Honestly, I don't like apricots and I'm not the biggest fan of soup, so it was a very strange thing to do. It didn't turn out that well, and I think it was tossed out a few weeks later because I never ate the left overs. This time, maybe I'm getting a little more of that nesting urge. See this?


Those are birth announcements. All ready to go, addressed and everything. All they need is a name and a date:

(I realize you can't see that. It says "________ was born ___________ to Laura and Dave"

Any day now....

35 weeks

The baby is the size of a honeydew melon this week, and oh how remiss I've been in comparing my unborn child to pieces of fruit. Little one is hiccuping right now, pushing the laptop off my belly. It reminds me of when I was pregnant with Gus and I would work from home - he hated the laptop sitting on top of him and would give me the hardest kicks to get rid of it. It must have given off a sound that I couldn't hear but he could. The little guy sure could deliver kicks to the ribcage.

This little one seems much more content to just hang out on my left side. The baby hasn't moved much since settling down there. There are plenty of kicks and punches, but not so much rolling over. Just sitting on the left, waiting for the right day to arrive. It's hard to believe that I'll cross the 36 week mark in just a few days. I've said it many times, I hope this one comes early. We've got most of the supplies for the birth ready, and that still feels a little unreal. Since we bought the store 3 weeks ago, we haven't had much time to breathe, let alone get the house ready for a newborn. Next week, Dave will be done with his full time job, and we'll have a chance to slow down and catch up just in time to welcome the little one. We're so excited and can't wait until the wee one arrives. That combined with my overwhelming desire to not be pregnant, and I'm starting to get a little impatient. I say often that it feels like I've been pregnant for years. I have in fact, been pregnant for nearly 2 years with a 6 month hiatus. I'm still trying to remember why I thought that was a good idea last fall. Alas, no more than 5 weeks to go - compared with how far I've already come it just doesn't seem like that much longer.

We're ready when you are, kid-o. Just don't go taking your time. If this pregnancy sees the dawn of July, I just might start to go a little wacky.

the good, and the not-so-good

the good: no one knows when I eat two bags of chips with my lunch
the not-so-good: still feeling guilty about two bags of chips

the good: felt all special when another pregnant lady said she was impressed I was on my bike today
the not-so-good: she has no idea that I had to stop and walk up a very, very small hill (I blame Gus, he's over 20 pounds!)

the good: 5 hours in the store today while the little guy plays at his grandma's house
the not-so-good: I worry that between the 10 minute morning nap and the serious molars coming in, he's being a menace.

the good: we are so ready for this baby
the not-so-good: except we still haven't agreed on a boy name.

the good: the weather is fantastic and beautiful
the not-so-good: I only have 2 pairs of pants that fit me, and absolutely no skirts or shorts

the good: I love owning this business. We've only been doing this for 3 weeks and already feel like it's one of the best decisions we've ever made
the not-so-good: dear lord, I am tiiiiiiiiiired

the good: long weekend! Dave is home on Monday! Family visiting! Yay!
the not-so-good: seriously, did I mention the tired?

All in all, the good absolutely outweighs the not-so-good. We are both so excited for the little baby to arrive, we just can't wait. I tell myself the little one will be early, though it would also be nice to have a few days once Dave's school year ends before the birth. Even still, I'm ready to be done with pregnancy and am eagerly anticipating sleepless nights, extra diapers, and spit up. Just to be able to stand up or roll over without help would be a step in the right direction.

It's going to be a fantastic summer.

for the record

I am not oven, baby is not bun. Hate that phrase.

exhausted, and catching up

Gus has been sleeping through the night recently, which is nice - to say the very least. He goes down at 8 and gets up at 6. And while I worry and jump at every noise thinking it's going to wake him (last night the baby gate fell on the wood floor and the dog barked right next to his door) nothing does. It's proof to me that attachment parenting works and that letting a child cry by themselves alone in a room does not teach them anything other than that you won't respond to them no matter how upset they get. I'm grateful for the sleep, but I feel like getting more sleep actually makes me more tired during the day. I guess the human body can adapt, and mine has adapted to less sleep. Getting 8 solid hours now makes me groggy in the morning and sleepy during the day. I try not to nap, since that doesn't seem to make me feel more awake.

It's possibly just a stage of the pregnancy too. Now in my 7th month, I'm feeling so very pregnant. I feel like this pregnancy has been so much physically harder, though it could just be selective memories. My back aches at the end of the day (don't remember my back aching until 9 months last time) and just going up the stairs is exhausting. Of course I'm usually carrying a little guy up the stairs with me, one who squirms and looks around, tries to get down, wants to be picked back up again, then put back down. I keep reminding myself that last time around, I was sleeping 8 hours a night, taking it easy in the evening, and spending 8 hours at my office, mostly sitting. I don't get nearly as much time to rest, even though I'm home for most of the week.

I'm looking forward to this summer for so many reasons. Gus will hopefully learn to go down stairs instead of just up, so I can stop freaking out every time he gets to the top of a step, looks down, and smiles gleefully as if he's about to take a step. He will also hopefully learn to stop eating dirt. That's just a pain in the butt - we love playing outside, but it is inevitable that he will get a handful of dirt and shove it in his mouth just as you get to him. We go in once he does that, but he's still too little to understand consequences. I'm asking the doctor about it next week - how much dirt can really hurt him? Can I just let him eat it until he learns it doesn't taste good? I'm also excited because a lot of the house plants will go outside, and I can finally stop blockading him from half of the dining room. For more than 2 minutes, the dining chairs may be at the table, instead of laying on their sides.

I'm also really looking forward to those newborn days with the new little baby. Last time we had so much happening that we didn't get to just stare and awe and goo at the baby. Dave will be home most of the summer, and if things go as planned, he'll spend a lot of time taking Gus over to the store with him after the baby is born, and I can sit, relax, nurse, and - huzzah! set the baby down and walk away for 2 seconds. I'm looking forward to those days of carrying little baby in the sling again, just all that closeness and sweet baby near you. I know there will be night wakings again and all the other difficult things that go with little babies, but this time the learning curve isn't so steep, there isn't so much to figure out all at once.

ugh

It's been nearly a month since I've posted, and I'm feeling a little bad about that. There's been plenty to post about, Gus had his first birthday, we moved his blog to include his little sibling, the purchase of the store is still in process, we bought a new computer... and surprisingly I haven't had a lot of computer time.

I will say these last three days have been simply awful. Both Dave and I came down with a bug that involves gastrointestinal acrobatics the likes of which neither of us have seen for awhile. It's officially the first time I've tossed my cookies while pregnant, so I guess I could be grateful that I'm not one of those unluckies who spends their first and third trimester kneeling in front of the toilet. Now, though, I'm sitting still and getting fluids, as per midwife recommendation. I was having Braxton Hicks contractions this afternoon, a few more than one should like to have. Apparently dehydration can cause contractions, so I'm trying to sit still, rest, and get plenty to drink. Certainly not an easy thing for me to do, especially because extra fluids means extra trips to the bathroom, and a little one on the inside thinks it's particularly fun to poke toes into my bladder when it's full.

So here I sit, trying to enjoy the new computer and not feel frustrated that Dave - who is also under the weather - is doing the shopping, the Gus care, and cooking dinner. I'm not used to sitting still, but a threat like having to go into the hospital for preterm labor should be enough to keep me in my seat for the rest of the day. This pregnancy has been so much harder physically. I didn't expect it to be so different from the first one, but it has been. That's a story for another day. I'm off to see what kind of widgets I can download.

prediction

The older Indian woman behind the counter smiled as I approached. She pointed at my round belly and asked, "Are you carrying a girl?"

I shrugged and laughed a little at her question. "I don't know," I said, "I'll find out in a few months."

She laughed too, maybe a little embarrassed for asking. She glanced up at me. "It looks like it's a girl." She gave me a stern nod.

Perhaps it is. No feelings yet, but in just over 3 months we'll have our answer!

24 weeks

The little baby is almost a foot long now according to baby center, and if you can't picture a foot, you should try picturing an ear of corn. Maybe that will help? The little baby continues to kick like crazy, and Dave and I have officially and finally started our names list. I know, I know - I'm nearly 6 months pregnant and we just started the list. We've been busy, folks, and it's not like we haven't talked about names at all.... it's just that we hadn't got around to making a list yet. As with Gus, it is much easier for us to come up with boy names. I'll be renting some name books from the library and checking out the baby name voyager again soon.

please note

Please note: By my last post, I did not in any way mean to insinuate that my husband is actually being anything other than lovely. I meant only to tell you all that I am being completely unreasonable and overly weepy. In a word, pregnant. Things will improve this week. They must.

I saw our midwives today. The baby has been kicking like mad, which is fun and great to feel all the movements. The heart rate was around 150, I think officially 148, which is normal and perfect. I'm doing really well physically, no more sciatic nerve pain now that the baby has moved up and off my spine. I'm so glad for that. In general, just feeling a little tired and a little hungry. Clothes aren't fitting, and I'm wondering what I'll wear over the next four months (since all of my really big maternity clothes are long sleeved - last time I was done in March!) but I'm hoping that will simply work itself out. I'm glad to know that spring is just around the corner, and already the extra sunlight is affecting my mood. I love all these bright days, even if it's only 15 degrees right now. You can feel the snap in the air that means warmer weather is on the way. As Gus's birthday nears, I'm struck so often by the "I can't believe it's been a year" feeling. More on that another time. The little bear is napping, so I'm off to try to get a few rows of knitting done before he wakes up.

Oh - one last thought. Lost of people have been tsk tsking recently, now that I'm visibly pregnant. Comments like, "are you crazy?" and "oh, you're going to have your hands full" with "two under two" have been rampant among old and new friends. I mostly laugh it off, thinking that these aren't folks who spend a lot of time with Gus so they don't know how delightful he is and how he really is only fussy if he's sick or not feeling well. They don't know how great he's getting at entertaining himself, or how much he's started to enjoy exploring and playing with his toys and with other kids. Mostly, though, the one thing I want to tell them is something I heard from a mother of 12: One child can take all of your time; two can take no more. So there. Yes, we will have our hands full. But so what? We already do!

22 weeks

This is the graphic from zero to forty for this week:


and this is SOOOOO me today. Up down, highs lows... As amalah herself put it: "Blissfully happy and belly-rubbing one minute, wracked with anxiety and worry the next. Affectionately hoping your baby looks just like your partner one minute, hating their damn guts and ass face the next. Rawr."

The beginning of the third trimester is spitting distance from here. I may just make it.

bumpy road

This week was full of the blues. That pregnancy funk hit all of a sudden and I was in a terrible, terrible mood for a few days. Compounded with Gus not sleeping and a very IMPORTANT bank meeting, it just wasn't a winner of a week. I forgot about how those mood swings sometimes strike out of nowhere. I'm glad to say this is really the first and the worst it's been, and that I'm feeling much sunnier today (just in time for some snow!) I'm lucky to have Dave who takes Gus so I can take a long bath, knit, and even stops for falafel for me from my favorite place.

We're slowly plodding forward with the business purchase, the bank meeting was a positive one, and we should hear back today or tomorrow. Next step, getting a signed purchase agreement and renegotiating the lease. This is starting to feel like a real job!

dreams

I've been putting together a video of all of our little video clips over the past year for something to show on Gus's birthday in a few weeks. Watching all the little videos again has brought me back to those first months, and it's made me think about the birth of baby v. 2.0 a lot. I've been dreaming about the baby, last night I dreamt that I gave birth to triplets, two boys and a girl. Dave says I've mentioned a lot of dreams about multiples. I don't think I'm having more than one baby, but apparently my subconscious is.

I'm feeling now the way that I think I felt in November and December of 2007. At that time I was trying to spend as much "couple time" with Dave as possible, feeling that this was the end of our little family of 2. It wasn't a sad thing, just a different thing. I was getting used to the idea of there being 3 of us, and wanting to cherish the time left when it was just us. Now it's the same, but different. I'm trying to pack in as much "3 of us" time as possible, spending time with Gus and Dave and our little family before it grows again. I know that Gus won't remember this time, he's only 11 months, but I feel a little sorry that his time with just us was so short. Often that first child gets more time to be the only child, and his time is limited now. I know he'll love the little baby and be terribly interested in him or her. I have no idea what 15 month old Gus will be like, I just know that 4 months in the world of a child his age is quite a long time developmentally. I know there will be an adjustment period that will be hard for all of us, but honestly - there's no way it could be as hard as the first 3 months of Gus's life. I guess I'm feeling a little worried too. I already know who Gus is, I know what we've got: a charming little monster with a very happy disposition who -yes - doesn't sleep through the night, but for the most part is an absolute angel. He rarely has meltdowns, and I like to think of him as "determined" instead of stubborn. I know he'll continue to grow and change, but for the most part we know what this child is like. The next baby is a completely unknown, and therefore something to worry a bit about.

The baby is moving and kicking like crazy so far, so chances are that he/she is going to be the same kind of mover that Gus is. I know my ribs were sore at times from the severe kicks he delivered to me, and he wanted to be pushing up onto his feet right from the beginning. He's a very physical child, that's for sure, using his cement block head to knock us out in bed, or climbing everything from the coffee table to the book shelves. I think he's a lot like Dave, constantly in motion, never happy sitting still. I'm sure that won't translate well into sitting in a desk for 13 years, but we'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I'm going to take his hand and practice walking. He's getting pretty good at it.

22 weeks

I can't tell you honestly how big the little baby is this week. I missed the weekly update, or maybe I haven't got it yet. I'm 22 weeks, and feeling like I'm really pregnant all of a sudden. The baby is moving a ton, and I can even feel some of the bigger kicks on the outside. The baby always stops just as I get Dave over to feel the kicking, but I bet soon he'll be able to feel it too. I was just about to sit down and write a long post about how this is the easy part of pregnancy and mostly I feel really great, just big now, when the little one sitting next to me just threw up blueberries all over himself. So much for that delicious breakfast. Must clean up...

16 weeks

I know, this post needs a photo. I do not have one. Rest assured that I am indeed showing already, and I have not felt the baby move yet. According to babycenter.com, the little one is the size of an avocado this week. I was shocked to weigh myself at the gym (yay me! I went to the gym!) last night and find out that I have not gained any weight. Apparently my belly is sticking out, I feel bloated and huge, and I weigh the exact same as I did 10 weeks ago. Pregnancy is weird.

I was looking back recently, seeing what I posted about this early stage of pregnancy with Gus. I really enjoyed reading those old posts, and I'm looking forward to reading more. So far it seems as if things are just about the same as far as how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. A little less conscious of what I eat, a little more lax about the whole working out thing, but for the most part the pregnancies are similar so far.

In other news, it was a busy weekend. Gus went to both an art opening and an art museum, yet we did not bring the cameras At the museum he saw a string quartet, which was pretty neat. He got a visit from his grand-dad, and got to eat a delicious blueberry pancake at Al's (he gets to do that most weekends). We both got to see our midwives and that's always fun. They love seeing Gus, and I appreciate that they come to me this time around. Not exactly relaxing, but definitely a lot of fun.

vegetables

This is more fun that babycenter. And has different vegetables. This week - the baby is the size of a beefsteak tomato! Who knew?

Notice anything new?

Yes kids! The baby ticker is back again! Baby #2 should be arriving sometime in late June 2009. To answer your first question, yes - we were trying. Why is that an appropriate question to ask someone? To answer your second question, yes - I plan to give birth at home again. We've already seen our favorite midwives twice, and last week got to hear the heartbeat!

It took me a little while to get used to the idea of being pregnant again, but as the first trimester wanes, I remember the bliss of tri-2, and I'm hoping for a repeat. I think my biggest complaints about the first pregnancy came mostly at the very end, so for now we're just keeping busy. Little Gus keeps us hopping! I feel like I'm already cheating my second child by not keeping up with blog posts about how lovely the pregnancy is. I will once again renew my attempts to post regularly.

In the meantime, we've been posting at Gusmonster, planning a move to a new baby blog, I'm knitting as always, and I'm nearly done with my first ever real full sized quilt. I think the finished product will be something like 6 and a half feet square. I'll get some photos up soon!

loving this

I heard from a fellow yogini that "The Business of Being Born" was available to rent. I knew that it debuted locally at the Oak Street Cinema a few weeks ago, so I was surprised to hear that I could get it on DVD so soon. I really enjoyed watching it, and can't wait to share it with Dave this weekend when we have a little more time. I know that watching films like this is just preaching to the choir, but it's nice to feel renewed and reminded about why we chose a home birth in the first place.

The quote on the website sums it up: "Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?" I wish I could hand out copies of this movie to everyone who has been shocked or worried when I told them our birth plan. Instead, I've resorted to telling folks that every person you ever met, and every person who ever lived got here through birth. That's a long history of a woman's body knowing what to do. Only a very small percentage of births require intervention, and yet in the US, more than 1 in 3 births are completed via Cesarean. 1 in 3. That's friggin huge.

counting down

Dave and I had a busy and fun weekend, cramming way too much in resulting in extra sleepiness today. And, to top it off, we lost an hour of sleep! Argh! We spent Saturday visiting family, walking around the Hopkins antique malls, taking in a film and having dinner at a local pub. Sunday was full with breakfast out, yoga class, a birthday party, and a huge frustration regarding the car. That's unresolved, but we pulled it together enough to make a nice dinner and watch the beginning of a sci-fi classic. Dave made it to the end, but I was snoozing by 10. It was an excellent weekend, and I've declared a moratorium on all social engagements (after this Wednesday, when we're having friends over for dinner).

While it's nice to still have some energy and feel like hanging with friends and going out, for the most part I want to spend the next week in my pjs, knitting and preparing for baby. I have some projects around the house I'd like to finish up, get the birth announcements in order, finish the sweater I've been working on , and generally just take it easy. I know that some folks get that nesting urge right at the end, and they're buoyed with energy which lets them vacuum and scrub the bathrooms. I'm fortunate to have a husband who does all of these things for me, so my nesting instinct (once it kicks in, that is...) will have to be directed elsewhere. If the baby doesn't arrive this week, I hope to spend my energy walking the dog, getting things organized, and mostly just having a few fun days to myself.

We got good news from the insurance biller this week, it looks like we will get some reimbursement for the midwife services and home birth. We had been planning to pay for the entire deal out of pocket, and it's a relief to know that some money will be coming back to us. It's unclear yet how much we can expect, but anything helps right now. While normally I would have a tirade prepared about how ridiculous it is for a health insurance company not to cover the $3000 fee for all prenatal services and birth when the average hospital birth costs between $8000 - $10,000 (that's one that goes unmedicated, unassisted, and completely natural), but that hour lost on Saturday night is kicking my butt, so I'll have to list my complaints another time.

The baby is the weight of a mini watermelon this week, something I'm unfamiliar with. Right now I'm mostly just grateful for the mini part, glad that the baby does not weigh as much as a full size watermelon. Apparently mini watermelons weigh a little over 7 pounds, and it's still hard to believe something so large fits inside my basketball sized belly. Strange, but in the last week there have been a few times when I've forgotten that I'm pregnant. I've been so comfortable laying or sitting down that when I get up, it's a shock to realize that I'm still gigantic. Who knew that something like an extra 40 pounds around your middle could slip your mind?

The pregnancy ticker says 7 days to go, but right now I find opposite number much more interesting. I've been pregnant for 273 days. If you divide that number by 30.5 - the average number of days per month - you get 8.95 So there. I'm 9 months pregnant. I win. Now where's my prize?

micro-waves

Everyday, I make a cup of tea. I put water in my cup, put my cup in the microwave, and push the "beverage" button. Until recently, I stood by the microwave and waited for the water to heat up. It was only a few months ago as I stood waiting for the final beep that I realized that the microwave is the exact same height as my belly.

Now I hide behind the wall. So the micro-waves don't get my baby. Apparently one side effect of pregnancy is the cra-a-a-zy.