a lesson on giving in

I've had to give in on a few things recently. Walking without waddling, having an unstained shirt over my belly, wearing pants that aren't elastic at the waist..... Things that a person doesn't think they'll ever give in on. Pregnancy is sort of a lesson on giving in. The amazing thing is that everything gets easier once you give up. I had been losing sleep, not able to get comfortable and fighting the fact that I have to pee every 2 hours. I would toss and turn, getting more upset that I'm tossing and turning. Last week, my midwife looked me straight in the eye, and told me to let go. Stop trying to sleep through the night; it's not going to happen. Embrace the fact that you will get up, and enjoy it. Just get up, stop fighting it. Since then, my sleep has been infinitely better. I still get up, I'm still tired in the morning, but I let go of the anger. It's to have that gone.

Today I had a little freak out/mild panic attack over my inability to find a parking spot while late for a work event. It was so unbelievable that I just started crying while talking to the parking attendant. He let me out of the ramp wihtout paying, but it made me feel like a complete fool. When did I beome the crazy pregnant lady? I really wasn't expecting that. It reminded me that I need to slow down. Take it easy. One day, one step, one breath at a time. If all of the yoga I've been practicing has taught me anything, it's that finding your breath and staying with it, just following it in and out, can be the most refreshing and centering experience. Next time, I have to remember to find my breath and calm the hell down prior to freaking out. Or maybe I should just stick to the bus.

pupper of the week

I had an intense dream about my mom's old house last night, so I thought the pupper should be shown enjoying herself there. It's funny how even though you can hardly see the background of the room here, I immediately know exactly where it is. The house you grew up in stays with you that way. At least, it has so far.

the original plan

When I first told my work about my pregnancy back in October, I thought I had it all figured out. My due date was March 17th, and I'm legally allowed 12 weeks unpaid leave. This worked perfectly, since 12 weeks would mean I would be out through the first week of June, coinciding with Dave's summer vacation which begins June 9th. It didn't occur to me then that I would have to be at work until 3 days before my due date. I didn't realize how much I would want to sleep in, and how tired I would be in the afternoons. I didn't realize it would make me angry to wake up in the morning feeling rested, go to work for 8 hours and come home exhausted, feeling like the best part of my day was spent in my office instead of with my husband. I'm still holding out, planning to be working for 2 and a half more weeks. I want as much of my leave as possible to be with the baby. But man, what I wouldn't give for a sick day or a holiday right about now. Maybe I could take a mental health day for daylight savings time?

finished (sort of)

I finished the bag that I started on Friday. Well, mostly finished. I sewed up all of the pieces last night, and think the bag is great. I love the cable pattern across the top of the bag, but I especially love the pattern along the strap. The bag is the perfect length for over the shoulder or across the chest.

Details -
Pattern: Tasha on Knitty
Yarn: Rowan Magpie in truffle
Needles: Size 7 Crystal Palace - they're inexpensive, but they're my favorite needles
Gauge: unknown
Modifications: None yet (see below)

I think the wool will hold up well, but it's nowhere near as sturdy as the denim the bag was designed with. I would have loved to knit the bag in denim, but my pocketbook couldn't take the hit, and I had this beautiful yarn from my sister in law. It will definitely stretch, which is why I'm thinking of a few modifications.

First, there are no pockets. It definitely needs a pocket, or I will never find my wallet inside. I was thinking about a kangaroo pocket at first, but I've decided I would prefer just a little side pocket on the inside.

I plan to use this bag for knitting and purse functions, so it'll contain keys, wallet, sunglasses and a random assortment of knitting. The problem with knit bags holding my knitting is that the needles always poke through. I was having trouble with this already this morning, so I'm planning to toss my stash of fabric this afternoon and see if I have something suitable for a lining. That would make the pocket question moot, and I could just sew a pocket into the lining. That might be nice. I was thinking a shimmery purple silk floral pattern. I know I don't have that in my stash, so maybe I'll stop at the Savers on the way home and see if they've got anything for me.

I'm really happy with this project, and while I used to shy away from complicated cables, this one was fun. I had to rip back the strap 3 or 4 times when I missed a cable round, but for the most part, it was extremely enjoyable. I think the main reason I never liked cabling was because it takes longer than regular knitting, but these days I knit a lot faster than I used to, and I don't mind the extra time for something decorative.

I'm putting something in the mail to a friend today, which I will show you once I know that he's received it. Here's a teaser photo (have I mentioned recently that I love my camera? I never used to be able to take close ups!)

T minus 3 weeks

Pregnancy is in full swing, and I felt great this weekend. Perhaps it was the charm of a short week last week (Monday holiday and working from home Friday), or maybe it was just the fun I had hanging out all day Saturday with Dave as we rearranged the guest room - and when I say "we", I mean "him". We sold some furniture, got some new furniture, repainted the walls, and Dave has a cool idea for a ceiling painting. I love that while Dave rarely paints on canvas these days, he's able to use the walls and ceilings in our house to create beautiful projects. The guest room has been a formal guest room since we moved in, with a big double bed and a mirrored dressing table. This weekend, we said goodbye to all that and moved in a futon. Dave will start seeds up there, and we're talking about moving my sewing space in as well. I'm looking forward to a room that we actually use, instead of one that that cats hang out in. Plus, the best part is that we can still have friends or family stay over, and I'll bet the futon is more comfortable than the guest bed ever was.

Babycenter.com reports that the baby is roughly 19 inches, or the length of a stalk of Swiss chard. That's helpful, but I've begun to doubt the predictions from babycenter. If the baby is already over 6 pounds and 19 inches, then what am I waiting the next three weeks for? I really should turn back to the books that I enjoyed so much at the beginning of the pregnancy. They too go week by week with updates, but I haven't picked them up since some time in the mid 2nd trimester. I've been relying on these online sources instead, and it would probably do some good to go back to the books.

I've been reading fiction instead. I just finished Lady in the Lake by Raymond Chandler, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I have read a few of his books, and this one was no disappointment. Thanks to Dave, I picked up the Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood again, and was a little dismayed to be reminded how long it is. I don't expect to have too much reading time this spring, so I might put this one back on the shelf for now and pick up something a little shorter.

For now, I'm planning for 3 more weeks of work, and continuing to get things ready at home. There has been a rush to get everything all prepared by 36 weeks, so there's little left to do. I've got the birth announcements addressed and stamped, just waiting for name, date, and weight to be filled in. The birth supplies are all ready, except for a few little things we need to pick up at the drug store and grocery store. Everything has fallen mostly into place, and while I keep telling people it could be "any day now" there's been no indication that the baby will show up in February.

That reminds me of a phrase that I need people to stop saying. "You look like you're ready to pop!" Seriously? What am I - a water balloon? Are you concerned about your shoes? Stand back, she could blow at any time! I think it's a weird and slightly gross thing to say, and I wish that strangers did not feel the need to state it. My belly isn't about to blow open, showering spectators with goo. If that was how birth actually happened, I bet maternity leave would start a lot sooner.