22 weeks

This is the graphic from zero to forty for this week:


and this is SOOOOO me today. Up down, highs lows... As amalah herself put it: "Blissfully happy and belly-rubbing one minute, wracked with anxiety and worry the next. Affectionately hoping your baby looks just like your partner one minute, hating their damn guts and ass face the next. Rawr."

The beginning of the third trimester is spitting distance from here. I may just make it.

bumpy road

This week was full of the blues. That pregnancy funk hit all of a sudden and I was in a terrible, terrible mood for a few days. Compounded with Gus not sleeping and a very IMPORTANT bank meeting, it just wasn't a winner of a week. I forgot about how those mood swings sometimes strike out of nowhere. I'm glad to say this is really the first and the worst it's been, and that I'm feeling much sunnier today (just in time for some snow!) I'm lucky to have Dave who takes Gus so I can take a long bath, knit, and even stops for falafel for me from my favorite place.

We're slowly plodding forward with the business purchase, the bank meeting was a positive one, and we should hear back today or tomorrow. Next step, getting a signed purchase agreement and renegotiating the lease. This is starting to feel like a real job!

dreams

I've been putting together a video of all of our little video clips over the past year for something to show on Gus's birthday in a few weeks. Watching all the little videos again has brought me back to those first months, and it's made me think about the birth of baby v. 2.0 a lot. I've been dreaming about the baby, last night I dreamt that I gave birth to triplets, two boys and a girl. Dave says I've mentioned a lot of dreams about multiples. I don't think I'm having more than one baby, but apparently my subconscious is.

I'm feeling now the way that I think I felt in November and December of 2007. At that time I was trying to spend as much "couple time" with Dave as possible, feeling that this was the end of our little family of 2. It wasn't a sad thing, just a different thing. I was getting used to the idea of there being 3 of us, and wanting to cherish the time left when it was just us. Now it's the same, but different. I'm trying to pack in as much "3 of us" time as possible, spending time with Gus and Dave and our little family before it grows again. I know that Gus won't remember this time, he's only 11 months, but I feel a little sorry that his time with just us was so short. Often that first child gets more time to be the only child, and his time is limited now. I know he'll love the little baby and be terribly interested in him or her. I have no idea what 15 month old Gus will be like, I just know that 4 months in the world of a child his age is quite a long time developmentally. I know there will be an adjustment period that will be hard for all of us, but honestly - there's no way it could be as hard as the first 3 months of Gus's life. I guess I'm feeling a little worried too. I already know who Gus is, I know what we've got: a charming little monster with a very happy disposition who -yes - doesn't sleep through the night, but for the most part is an absolute angel. He rarely has meltdowns, and I like to think of him as "determined" instead of stubborn. I know he'll continue to grow and change, but for the most part we know what this child is like. The next baby is a completely unknown, and therefore something to worry a bit about.

The baby is moving and kicking like crazy so far, so chances are that he/she is going to be the same kind of mover that Gus is. I know my ribs were sore at times from the severe kicks he delivered to me, and he wanted to be pushing up onto his feet right from the beginning. He's a very physical child, that's for sure, using his cement block head to knock us out in bed, or climbing everything from the coffee table to the book shelves. I think he's a lot like Dave, constantly in motion, never happy sitting still. I'm sure that won't translate well into sitting in a desk for 13 years, but we'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I'm going to take his hand and practice walking. He's getting pretty good at it.

22 weeks

I can't tell you honestly how big the little baby is this week. I missed the weekly update, or maybe I haven't got it yet. I'm 22 weeks, and feeling like I'm really pregnant all of a sudden. The baby is moving a ton, and I can even feel some of the bigger kicks on the outside. The baby always stops just as I get Dave over to feel the kicking, but I bet soon he'll be able to feel it too. I was just about to sit down and write a long post about how this is the easy part of pregnancy and mostly I feel really great, just big now, when the little one sitting next to me just threw up blueberries all over himself. So much for that delicious breakfast. Must clean up...

been here, done this

Dave and I spend a lot less time talking and pondering about this pregnancy than we did the first time around. On the one hand, I feel a little bad about that - like we're not taking the time or the interest we did in the first baby. On the other hand - I think that's just the nature of second children. You don't have as much time to sit around and think "Wow! I'm pregnant!" because you've already got one little monster to chase around. It's nice to finally feel the little baby kicking, that's making it a lot more real. Honestly, though, as I approach the 5 month mark on this pregnancy - we don't even have a list of names yet.

I keep saying there are too many balls in the air, and it's true. There's a lot to juggle right now. We're getting our stuff together to actually buy the record store, Gus is taking more steps every day, working on walking. The weather is improving, so we're spending more time outside, walking to the library and other places. I work, Dave works, and in the meantime we try to see friends and entertain once in awhile. That's a lot to keep going right now, especially with all the working that Dave is doing. It's hard to be home without him, and I'm looking forward to this long weekend when he will be around. Time is so relative. It seems like June is just a breath away and this second baby will be here in no time, but hearing from the store owners that they're setting a March 1 deadline feels like ages and ages from now. 2 and a half whole weeks! That's forever!

We can see where we're going, see that in a few months, we'll have big garden, two babies at home, and Dave will be leaving his job so that we can both work at the store full time. It's easy to see that big picture, but it's a challenge to see the little steps that have to take place to actually achieve that picture. One step at a time, one bridge to cross per day. There are so many times in my life where I've wished I could play it all in slow motion, and this is one of the only times that I wish I could just push the fast forward button and see how it all turns out.

don't tell me...

I know, I know, there have been very few posts recently. Things have been hard going for a little while, there are a lot of balls in the air right now.

In the meantime, Gus is thisclose to taking his first step. In fact, he took a little shuffle yesterday that could possibly be considered his first step, but I'm waiting to declare it until he actually lifts his foot. It's right around the corner, and this time I'm not exaggerating. Walking before 11 months. Yay!